So, yeah. I guess it’s been a while. For a long while I tried to tell myself that I fell off the blogging bandwagon because life got busy. Honestly, I stopped because it was hard to write posts that showed the darkness I was experiencing. I guess I’m kind of like my dogs, they don’t show it when they are hurting, it makes them vulnerable. So, what was hurting me? I placed a lot of weight on what others think. And I was putting others expectations in front of my own. The area in my life that this was most prevalent was work. Work has always been a big part of my life, I used my position and pay scale as part of my identity. It’s hard to not make your work a big part of who you are. It’s 1/3 of your day after all. But, what if you are miserable in that job? I hit a moment of clarity after a 96 hour work week including a 20 hour work day. I realized that I was barely surviving life and making my life decisions based on what I thought other people wanted or expected of me. It occurred to me that if those people were the kind of people I want in my life, then their only expectation of me should be for me to be happy. I left my job the next day. That was 6 months ago.
Since then, I have moved across the country to Jacksonville, Florida with Beast. And, I have taken a job as a trapeze instructor. I miss my friends and family in San Diego, but I am really enjoying my new life. I look forward to going to work, in fact I love my job at Trapeze High Florida. I have been fortunate enough to be able to focus my time here on chasing joy. I have been doing a lot of flying, working at the rig, and focusing on getting healthy, emotionally and physically. I have days (like today) where I want to lay on the couch like a zombie, but those are coming less often. I am very lucky to have Beast who is supportive and pushy. He wants the trapeze school to be a success so that I can continue to do what I love. He is happy when I tear up while telling him that I love my job. He has made a lot of sacrifices for me to have the life I have, so have I. I guess no one said being happy is easy, but I think it’s worth it.
I will be posting with more regularity, with my new life, I have a lot to say. Expect pictures, recipes, and general babbling. It’s good to be back!