2011 was a year of change for me. I left a job that I despised. I moved across the country. I decreased my income by 70-80%. I went from spending no time outdoors to working outdoors daily. It’s been amazing how those changes have impacted my personality. I have noticed I am becoming more extroverted, more willing to take risks and more willing to be vulnerable. I am suddenly ok with being noticed. I am so happy that this is the direction my life is heading.
So, it won’t come as a surprise to anyone that knows me that I am a goal setter. The feeling of accomplishing a goal seems to give my life purpose. Unfortunately, that means that when I am not working towards a goal I tend to feel aimless and sometimes get depressed. I have decided that I have some specific things to accomplish this year and to get there, I want to set some goals. So, without further ado…
Trapeze- These goals will require video proof to be considered accomplished, I will post videos as each item is completed.
Catch my hocks salto- This is going to take some work, I need to get more consistent and right now I am opening under the catch trap.
Throw a catchable double.
Choreograph and complete a full routine on silks, static, and double trap.
Glass- To consider these goals accomplished, I will be posting pictures to a lampworking forum that I frequent and to get the opinion of the experts. I’ll post the pictures and reactions here as well.
Learn to fume
Attempt inside/out work
Blog less guarded and more often (1x a week)- being a perfectionist, I don’t like to show myself in any light that is less than flattering, but that stuff is life too. It’s time to bring down my walls. I am not perfect and I shouldn’t represent myself as such, doing so only leads to others unrealistic expectations of me and heartbreak.
Focus on fitness- I have been pretty good about this over the last 6 months. My job and my goals require me to be in strong and in decent shape and I know my weight sometimes holds me back physically and more often mentally, I want that obstacle gone.
Take a life coaching class- I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I think I was meant to teach in some manner. I really enjoy it at the trapeze rig and I feel like I should be doing more instructional stuff in some manner and I think where ever this path leads, a life coaching class will be beneficial.
So, to get these goals accomplished, I will be setting monthly goals that support or become stepping stones for the yearly goals. So, here are my January goals, in no particular order:
Workout 5 days a week
Sit in left and right splits 1 minute a day
Blow glass 4x a week
Take my splits out of lines- I don’t need the lines, it’s a mental thing so it’s time.
Work on a return from the catch- this is one of those things that I let my weight mentally get in the way of. I think I am too heavy to catch, so I am here 5 years later and I have never returned to the bar from a catch.
Well, I am way overdue for a post. Things have been happily busy around here. However, I’m not feeling to wordy today so, I’m gonna let some pics do most of the talking…
There was halloween:
We went to a poker tournament, which Beast took down! In fact, he won the tournament the next night too. He is currently number 1 in the league, w00t!
Then I got to meet a childhood hero, Olympic Gymnast, Shannon Miller. She is currently doing a project called the Seize the Day Experience. She is celebrating each day as a cancer survivor by Seizing the Day with other cancer survivors. One of the experiences was flying on the trapeze. Pop on over to her website to read about the series at http://shannonmillerlifestyle.com/my-journey/seize-the-day.
And, last but definitely not least, I finally got my glass workshop set up:
This has been the result of last week’s tinkering:
Now, I gotta run, it’s flying time. What have you been up to?
I spent the weekend working and it was hot! I struggled a bit on Saturday with the heat, but had no issues on Sunday. I was pulling lines at the trapeze rig- man, I love my job. Unfortunately, I haven’t been flying much because my shoulder has been giving me problems. But, sometimes just hanging around the rig makes me feel good. I have really been trying to get into better shape so I can do more. It’s frustrating because my body loses weight so slowly.
It’s a “money’s tight” kind of weekend so it’s been low key. Along with working I’ve been reading books, mowing the lawn, housework, and catching up on sleep. So, here it is Sunday night and I feel like I have some of my shit in order. We were going to try to get in a “hike” (Florida is FLAT so hike is a relative term) tonight, but the thunderstorms rolled in, killing our plans. I guess it’s time for a workout and a pedicure and another night to bed early!
I was taught to add by two important people in my life. The first was Mrs. Rasmussen, my first grade teacher. I honestly don’t remember much about her and her teaching style. I remember her salt and pepper hair. I also remember that we used objects, like apples, to demonstrate how to add. As with most subjects in school, after learning the basics, the concept stuck and I never had much trouble with math after that. I used basic adding and subtracting in my life without thinking much about it. At least I thought I was using it.
When I was 31, Beast taught me how to add again. He taught me how that basic math that I learned when I was 6 could, or more accurately SHOULD, be applied in relationships. In any type of relationship there are 2 people who interact. All of those interactions are like deposits and withdrawals in a bank account. The good things are deposits and the bad are withdrawals. Obviously for a relationship to be successful, that account should be in the black, not the red. However, we are complicated people with lives full of stress and busy schedules. We make mistakes that may be small withdrawls or large ones. Sometimes it can be a while before we make our next deposit. Maybe a small fee will incur for neglect, but as long as we are not making many or large withdrawals, the account should be stable.
So often in this world we walk around with the attitude of “What have you done for me lately?” We lose sight of all the wonderful things the relationship is built on because we are not getting the attention we believe we deserve or we felt we were done wrong. Often times we throw away a relationship that we shouldn’t or we keep one that should be tossed. If you apply the math, you should know always know where the relationship stands. Is the debt, not recoverable, or is it just a small hit to the bottom line? This system makes a relationship less complicated. I know what I value in a relationship and I let others know what I value. They also know what things have a negative value. If a relationship is often in the red, it is time to walk away. And, of course, if the account is usually in good standing, it’s a keeper. And, when I meet someone who cannot add, I know to keep on walking if possible. If not, I know to be careful to protect myself.
Do you use math in your relationships? Tell me what works for you.
I do not currently own a full length mirror. All of my mirrors only show from the tops of my shoulders up. In fact, in order to see how I look before heading off to work, I have to stand on the bed.
I haven’t stepped on a scale since mid-May.
This may lead you to think that I have a bad body image or am living in denial. Not so fast… it’s turning out to be quite the opposite. Really, this was an accident. I moved out to Florida a month before Beast to find a place to live and help get the trapeze rig set up without my household belongings. Then, when Beast and the mini-beasts moved to Florida, our stuff took it’s sweet little time to make it’s way across this great country of ours. I’m pretty sure it stopped off to see Graceland and Dollywood on the way. Anyhow, my scale and mirrors were packed neatly away in the storage container. And, the house we moved into did not have mirrored closet doors like our last place.
So, I told myself that I would wait for the scale and mirrors. In the meantime 2+ months had passed and, guess what? My negative inner voice (you know the one that tells you how fat you are) didn’t have as much to say. I started feeling better about myself. And, my clothes started loosening. Not being one to accept such success, I started worrying about the jarring experience I would have the next time I accidentally wandered in front of a store window or saw my self in a photo. I thought that not visually weighing myself or actually weighing myself would allow myself to be in denial and cause a lapse in working out or eating right. I eventually let that worry go. Truth was, I ate better and worked out more because I wasn’t constantly telling myself that it was a waste of time, nothing was changing. And, when I accidentally wandered in front of a full length mirror? I was happy to see myself smiling.
I’m not sure how long I’ll go without stepping on that scale, but I learned something from this accidental experiment. Being healthy outside is easier if you are healthy inside as well.
I’ve had to revise my definition of healthy. What’s yours?
So, it’s Labor Day. I’ve been working all weekend so it’s nice that today is a day off. Since it’s Labor Day, I thought it would be good to talk about what I do. I am a trapeze instructor. This job is a dream job for me. I am so thrilled that I get to share my love of trapeze with others. I get to be outside and help encourage others to try something new, exciting, and sometimes scary. The number one priority of my job is to keep people safe. Sometimes I work the safety lines and sometimes I work the board helping people take off.
The best part of my job is watching people stare fear in the face and overcome it. By far, the most common phrase I hear is “I am afraid of heights”. The truth is, according to Wikipedia and other online sources, only 2-5% of the general population suffers from acrophobia or an extreme/irrational fear of flying. However, some polls show the percentage of fear of heights to be in the 40-50% range. When I am working the board I hear it from closer to 80% of people. I regularly see tears, terror and fear in the faces of many people after they climb the ladder to the platform. And after the swing I see triumph, joy, and exhilaration. That is amazing!
Beast has been coming to some of our classes lately to do some photography projects. This is a time lapse photography video of the catching portion of the 10 am class on 9/4/2011. All photos and video created by Beast.
Today was a gorgeous Florida day. The temps were 85-95, and there was cloud cover. I had another fun day flying.
I also spent some time today creating a new circuit training workout as the one I’ve been doing is getting stale. I’ve been using the Seconds app on my phone. You enter the intervals and their time and point it at your playlist and viola! You have a trainer. Love it!
So, while I was poking around the interwebs looking for new exercises, I stumbled across this website: http://www.bodyrock.tv/. These workouts are nuts and Zuzana is ripped. I know, with the skimpy outfits and heavy panting, I am not their target market… but I think I’ve found some seriously challenging new workouts. Also, I want that sandbag!
So, yeah. I guess it’s been a while. For a long while I tried to tell myself that I fell off the blogging bandwagon because life got busy. Honestly, I stopped because it was hard to write posts that showed the darkness I was experiencing. I guess I’m kind of like my dogs, they don’t show it when they are hurting, it makes them vulnerable. So, what was hurting me? I placed a lot of weight on what others think. And I was putting others expectations in front of my own. The area in my life that this was most prevalent was work. Work has always been a big part of my life, I used my position and pay scale as part of my identity. It’s hard to not make your work a big part of who you are. It’s 1/3 of your day after all. But, what if you are miserable in that job? I hit a moment of clarity after a 96 hour work week including a 20 hour work day. I realized that I was barely surviving life and making my life decisions based on what I thought other people wanted or expected of me. It occurred to me that if those people were the kind of people I want in my life, then their only expectation of me should be for me to be happy. I left my job the next day. That was 6 months ago.
Since then, I have moved across the country to Jacksonville, Florida with Beast. And, I have taken a job as a trapeze instructor. I miss my friends and family in San Diego, but I am really enjoying my new life. I look forward to going to work, in fact I love my job at Trapeze High Florida. I have been fortunate enough to be able to focus my time here on chasing joy. I have been doing a lot of flying, working at the rig, and focusing on getting healthy, emotionally and physically. I have days (like today) where I want to lay on the couch like a zombie, but those are coming less often. I am very lucky to have Beast who is supportive and pushy. He wants the trapeze school to be a success so that I can continue to do what I love. He is happy when I tear up while telling him that I love my job. He has made a lot of sacrifices for me to have the life I have, so have I. I guess no one said being happy is easy, but I think it’s worth it.
I will be posting with more regularity, with my new life, I have a lot to say. Expect pictures, recipes, and general babbling. It’s good to be back!
Work was getting stressful. Thursday, February 10, 2005 was a rough day. It was almost 7pm, I was still at work and I was exhausted. The Beast, formerly know as QA K, had come by to say hi. At that point, Infant Developer (ID) delivered some bad news to me about a project that was not going as planned (more accurately a project he had royally screwed up) and my eyes welled up with tears. Seeing this, QA K distracted ID with a bright shinny object and made motions at me: You, me, drinks, get’n the fuck outta here! Knowing this was the opportunity I had dreamed about (while doodling hearts on my notebook and writing Mrs. Jenferner Beast over and over) I jumped up, shut off my pc and grabbed my purse in one fluid motion.
We met at Chili’s where we proceeded to order food we couldn’t eat. We stared at it with absolutely no appetite. Really, the last time a crush caused me to lose my appetite was when I was 14! We finally gave up on trying to eat and spent a lot of time looking at each other and drinking nervously. It’s been said before but I’m gonna say it again, we were fully retarded! At some blurry point in the conversation Beast grabbed my hand. My heart stopped. That was the end of the beginning.